J is for Jacks -- Day 10 of the "A to Z Blogging Challenge"

I wasn't able to buy my granddaughter a "real" present for her birthday because of the state of my so-called "finances," so I bought her a token gift of a set of Jacks. No, not the old hard ones that perforate your foot if you step on them. I got her a set of oversized, soft plastic jacks. I may may as well have brought her an alien from outer space. None of the kids had any idea how to play the game and I'm not the best one to teach them, either. My coordination has always been less than perfect and. now that I'm old, getting down on the floor means finding a crane to help me get up. My son went online to find out the standard rules for a game of jacks and told them how to play. Within five minutes they had turned a simple game of jacks into a full-contact sport. How could I have thought that they'd actually play a game quietly together?

I really should know better. The three little girls involved are 3, 4 and (now) 6, and their favorite game is to shriek havoc on the house, destroying every room they enter, which is every room in the house. Its a really good thing that they don't have any neighbors too close. If they did we'd have the police called on us regularly by neighbors who thought there was a murder in progress. They are the only people I know for whom the "quiet game" is played at a noise level approximately equal to that experienced directly in front of the speakers at a heavy metal concert. Some days I'm almost glad I'm hard of hearing.

C is for Coparenting -- Day 3 of the "A to Z Blogging Challenge"

I can't count the number of kids I know whose separated or divorced parents use them as pawns to hurt each other. This is worse than the divorce itself on many kids because they are put in a position of acting as the go-between or feeling as if, by loving one parent, they are being disloyal to the other. There is another way, though. It is called coparenting.
I first learned about coparenting from the best mother I know, my daughter. She has two daughters and one son by two different ex-husbands and somehow works with most of the other parties involved to create a loving, secure family for not only her own three children but their assorted half and step siblings. Not only that, her best friend and her two children have been integrated as part of this extended, or chosen, family. This makes nine children who, between them have four "moms" and two "dads" to turn to. While the fathers don't socialize much with each other, the mothers have all become good friends and frequently "hang out" with each other.
　
The players in this little drama are:

  The Adults:

    A = My daughter
    B = My daughter's ex-husband number 1, the father of her two daughters -- out of the picture
    C = My daughter's ex-husband number 2, the father of her son (his second).
    D = My daughter's ex-husband number 2's first wife, mother of his first son
    E = My daughter's ex-husband number 2's first wife's current husband, father of their daughter
    F = My daughter's ex-husband number 2's current wife. Mother to his two step children.
    G = My daughter's best friend, mother to the two "extras" in the mix.
　
  The Children:

    1 = A&B's daughter (17).
    2 = A&B's daughter (15).
    3 = A&C's son (14).
    4 = C&D's son (15), half brother of 3 and stepbrother of 1 and 2.
    5 = D&E's daughter (8), half sister of 4.
    6 = F's Daughter (10), C's stepdaughter. Stepsister to 3.
    7 = F's Son (6), C's stepson. Stepbrother to 3.
    8 = G's daughter (11) -- chosen family.
    9 = G's son (9)-- chosen family.

Naturally, there are conflicts at times between parenting styles but with a little bit of communication they are ironed out. At any given point any of these nine children can call on any of the six adults for help, advice, sympathy, etc . . . . They know that what they say will be held in confidence unless it is not in their best interest to do so. These kids are also allowed to stay at any of the parents' homes as long as the primary parent okays it. It is not uncommon for all 9 of them to spend a weekend together with one or more of the parents. This way all the adults get the occasional break.

I know it all seems complicated, but the best thing about it is that all the children involved feel accepted and loved no matter what they do or which home they are in. I know that coparenting won't work for everyone, and and is rarely carried to the extreme extended family situation my daughter and her children enjoy, but I honestly think that all divorced parents, should work together more.

The most useful sites I have found that explain coparenting are listed below. They give resources and information and there is even a site where you can sign up for an online coparenting class.

    http://www.coparenting.com/

    http://www.coparenting101.org/
   
    http://www.wikihow.com/Co-Parent-with-an-Uncooperative-Ex-Spouse

There are many other good sources on coparenting online.  All you have to do is look.
http://www.collaborativecoparenting.com